did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize