don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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