All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
