Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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