Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
