words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
