i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
