you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
