So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
