the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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