So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
