Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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