Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
