So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
