No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
