I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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