Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everclear isn't food dammit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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