white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
