I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
