I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
