Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
