dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
