STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
