It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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