I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
