It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
