if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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