Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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