I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize