shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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