I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
