I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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