we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
