I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
