i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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