Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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