Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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