kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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