Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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