she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
