i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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