Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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