I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
