I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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