I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
