Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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