It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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