dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
