can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
