I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
