I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
