She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
