You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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