Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
