hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize