I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
