This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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