At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
