I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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