If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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