yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
