It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
