She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
