Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
