theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
