A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
