I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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