my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
