she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
