So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
