you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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