We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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