whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
