they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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