Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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